THREE YEARS AFTER HIGH SCHOOL

Last Friday I was walking to work and I saw these cars with balloons on them and beautiful people inside who were celebrating their traditional last bell of the high school day. And then I got chills all over my body when I realized that I was one of these kids three years ago. Not that cars with balloons were involved, but I realized that I was a high school student three whole years ago. Although I still remember that day really clearly, to me it meant even more than the actual prom day when I got my high school diploma, on that day at the end of May I realized that I was actually leaving everything familiar, all my 12 years of school, behind me. I didn‘t want to graduate high school like others did, I was a bit too scared to face the world. But I remember that day I felt so grown up, it felt like the world is my oyster and I have so many opportunities coming my way. Now I understand that I wasn‘t at all grown up and these three years after high school have taught me much more than high school ever did.

Now that I think about it, I think that my high school self wouldn‘t probably be able to talk to myself that I‘m nowadays. My 18-year-old self wouldn‘t believe and understand that I somehow became someone who reminds of someone I was always hoping to become. She wouldn‘t believe that I found so many ways to surprise myself, to challenge and overcome myself. And that I wasn‘t as grown up as I thought I was.

People say that life doesn‘t stop after high school and it‘s so so true. I remember when I was senior in high school, I had this quote hanging up on my wall saying that high school is only one chapter of your life and I tried to convince myself with it every day. And it actually is so true. Once you leave high school you actually have the world in your hands, the only difference is that now you have to do everything yourself. No teachers saving your ass, no parents telling you what to do every step of the way, there‘s only you and the world. You are responsible for the choices you make, for the mistakes you make and for the people you choose to surround yourself with.

The most important thing is that life after high school is so much different. I feels so scary to leave that little bubble you called home for 12 years of your life and dive into the big world, but once you close these doors, you find out that there is a whole new world waiting for you. For those who move out to a different country or city, it feels like an even bigger change but I also believe the way we change inside matters the most. Once you enter a new world, you can meet so many people you‘ve always dreamt of knowing and calling your friends, you can be the person you‘ve always wanted to be and there is no one who remembers you when you were 7 years old and wore this ugly yellow wig to a school party, no one who remembers what kind of teenager were you, where you failed and succeeded. And it is amazing.

But as I was reminded of all of this last Friday, I got chills all over my body just like I got them now writing this. How can it be that the people I graduated with are going to be graduating University next year? How can it be that I‘m about to finish the second (third to be exact) year of Uni? Some of these people I graduated with have children, some have more than one, some are engaged or married and I can still remember how they looked the first day of school. I know for sure that I wouldn't want to come back to high school but I would love to make the time slow down a little bit more because right now this is really not the chapter of my life I wish to leave ever, I just love it a little bit too much.

 

The last bell in highschool

It's time to fly

Per pastaruosius mėnesius viskas vyksta tokiu greičiu, kad kartais sunku spėti susigaudyti tarp visų įvykių, jausmų ar emocijų. Obelys jau seniai be žiedų, jau ir alyvos spėjo nužydėti, o šį penktadienį mano paskutinis skambutis ir tada mes paskutinį kartą visi kartu stovėsim ant scenos ir dainuosim bendrą dainą apie savo skrydį į gyvenimą. Labai keista kasdien matyti visus dvyliką metų matytus žmones ir suprasti, kad su jais viskas jau baigta, kad mums liko tik keli formalumai kaip egzaminai, išleistuvės ir viskas, mes jau nebe abiturientai, jau nebe mokiniai. Keista suprasti, kad po šios vasaros jų visų nebesutiksiu, kad kai kurių nesutiksiu niekada, kad nebematysiu visų mokytojų, visų veidų, kuriuos mačiau tiek metų, kad net spėjau nuo jų pavargti, keista, kad visų gyvenimai po šios vasaros visiškai pasikeis. Atrodo dar neseniai tą apsiniaukusį rugsėjo pirmosios rytą stovėjau prie mokyklos durų ir drauge su kitais abiturientais žengėm į mokyklą paskutiniams savo metams joje, o dabar jau viskas, visi jau pasiruošę išskristi, eiti į savo gyvenimą ir nors dar kartais turim pamokų, dar kartais susitinkam, bet iš tiesų mes jau senokai viena koja nebe mokykloj. Dabar kasdien kai kurios pamokos įvyksta paskutinį kartą gyvenime, pamažu grąžinu visus vadovėlius, su mokytojais atsisveikinam visam laikui ir jie linki sėkmės gyvenime, linki būti laimingiems. O juk viskas mokykloje liks taip pat, bus kitas rugsėjis, visi vėl sugrįš į savo suolus, pas savus mokytojus, vėl bus šimtadienis, paskutinis skambutis, egzaminai – viskas kaip visada, tik labai neįtikėtina tai, kad ten nebebus visų mūsų, kad visi išsibarstys po pasaulį ir vienintelis mus siejantis dalykas liks tai, kad tiek daug metų praleidom visi kartu, nors su kai kuriais net neteko deramai susipažinti...

One more step

Niekaip nesugebu suvokti, kad iki mano prancūzų egzamino liko... viena vienintelė savaitė. Net nenoriu pagalvoti, kokia nerami savaitė manęs laukia. Ypač kai dabar kasdien vis šilčiau, kai visą dieną galėčiau tiesiog prasėdėti besišildydama saulutėje, kai vakarai tokie šilti ir gražūs ir kai mintys sukasi tikrai ne apie gramatines taisykles... Kol negalvoju apie ateinantį šeštadienį, būna tikrai gera, bet praeina vos kelios valandos ir ta mintis sugrįžta į galvą. Todėl dabar svarbiausia neprasmegti knygų krūvoje, neprarasti sveiko proto ir šeštadienį padaryti tiek, kiek galiu geriausiai!