DON'T BE AFRAID OF CHANGE

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This wasn't an easy post for me to write here but with the year approaching to its end I thought this was a good way for me to get some closure and move on to the new year without holding onto the things from the past which aren't so nice. Most of that time was very difficult to me and that's why it's not that easy to remember these things. This is a really long post, but I didn't know how to make it shorter. It's also probably the most personal thing I have ever written here so it's a little scary.
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So this whole story begins in my senior year of high school. When I was in my senior year of high school, one day I somehow decided that I will be going to study political science in university. Was I really interested in politics? No, not really. I wasn't interested in it at all to be honest so this decision I took is still a mystery to me. To be able to get into that place, you must have very high results as this is one of the top places in my country. So I worked really hard to get there. And in the Summer of 2012 I got what I wanted - I got a place at the University. Everyone around me was so proud of me, I was really proud of myself also (this is an amazing feeling) and I was expecting to start a new chapter of my life. It turns out that I was so so wrong. Almost all the time I instantly know whether I like something (or someone) or I don't. This feeling most of the time is right. 
So, from the very first day of a school year I realized that something was very off. It wasn't really right. I didn't like the atmosphere there, I didn't like the people that much, I didn't like the subject I had to study, none of the classes were interesting to me, the books or articles I had to read were absolutely torturing me and the beginning of university was really not nice. 

Sadly, this feeling of everything being wrong kept getting bigger and bigger as time went on. I became very sad, very very sad version of me. You know, when every day of your life you have to do things you absolutely hate, you live in a total misery. Also, I had to study a lot so I didn't really have that much of free time as well. Every day I kept questioning myself what was I doing there, why was I there where I absolutely hate everything. I hated going there, being there and tried to be there as little as possible. 
I wasn't able to connect with people either. Maybe the reason was that I really hated my major so I wasn't really the real me so that stopped me from getting to know these people who enjoyed their life at university. And most of the students were really loving their new lives. 
I really can't say anything bad about that institute, I'd actually say it's an amazing place to study with great lecturers and amazing possibilities to express yourself there in the political field. Students have really much freedom there. It just really wasn't for me. In any way. So I ended up hating absolutely everything that others enjoyed so much. 
From the very start until the very end I had one question spinning in my head - What am I doing here? This place was nothing I expected and absolutely nothing I loved in life. In high school I absolutely loved studying French or English languages, I adored history, sometimes I even liked math (it's a shame I wasn't really good at it) and I ended up being in a place where I didn't like anything. I missed French or history or literature so much and I was spending my nights with economics (how I HATE economics, oh my), the longest books in English about politics where I understood almost nothing or longest texts about Constitution and law. Everything absolutely different from what I really enjoy. I was stuck in life, really really stuck.
What didn't help also was seeing all of the students from my school, my friends having the time of their lives, enjoying studies, spending time with their new friends, being so happy once they graduated high school. And there was I - hating the life I chose for myself. That was probably the worst thing - knowing that I chose this myself that I made my life so miserable myself and that there's was nothing I could do about it. I tried everything, believe me, I tried everything - I tried to change my attitude, I tried adjusting really hard, I even tried to change myself to make myself believe I belonged there. But, to be honest, there wasn't a day I enjoyed being there, the feeling when you simply don't belong is terrible. I didn't belong to high school anymore, but I didn't belong to uni either. So I was nowhere, absolutely nowhere. 
When I was starting my second semester there I was almost sure I will be quitting this university. I knew it wasn't my place with all my heart. It was an incredibly hard decision to make, I was so afraid of letting people down. Sadly, I found out that I must stay until the end of the semester and pass all the exams and if not,  I had to pay a big amount of money which wasn't an option. There were many people really supporting my decision and wishing me luck with everything, but there also were people who weren't so happy about this. But I knew this was a right decision for me to take.
I counted days until my last exam, then I somehow passed everything (I really wasn't sure I will be able to make it) and I finally got out of there. When I closed the doors of that building for the last time, I felt so relieved. I didn't know then if my decision was really right if everything will be better at another place if I will ever regret this. And no, I still haven't regretted my decision. I think it was the best thing I could have done. It was so hard to do and caused so much pain and stress, but it was worth it.

So know I'm a freshman once again. Now I'm studying French and I really like it. I never expected everything to be perfect somewhere else and it really isn't now but at least every day is not miserable, I have people around me which I really like, I have great lecturers and the place I'm going to every day is just magical. Just like on the first days of being there last year I knew that it wasn't right, this year I almost instantly knew I made a right decision. Now I feel like I belong. And it's impossible to explain what an amazing feeling that is if you never felt like you seriously don't belong (but I think everyone felt like that at least once in their life) but it's great!

What I really wanted to say with this enormously long post was that you shouldn't be scared of making decisions that are right for you. Sometimes you just feel when things are not right and you need to escape but there are so many things keeping you from doing what you want, so many people which can't be let down.. But it's really worth taking a chance if you think it would make you happier. It's never too late to take a different road. It's really important to do what you want and especially when you are deciding where you want to go in your life it's so important to listen to your heart. It doesn't really matter that you're studying in the most prestigious place in the world and everyone around you is so proud of you, if you feel miserable every day of your life. You live your life, not others and that's the most important thing.  
I for sure know how difficult it is to change the road you're on but I also know how amazing it feels when you finally take the decision that's the best for you. I don't even want to think how miserable I'd be right now if I hadn't had the courage to do what I needed to do. I didn't know whether that would be a right decision this time but I knew that I would never forgive myself if I hadn't try to be happier somewhere else :)